How are you?
I am here in London, adjusting to the changes that my life brings, in this case the return from ashram life to city life. I don’t know if anyone remembers that seminal track by Goldie – ’Inner City Life’? That more-or-less encapsulates how it feels.
When sitting down to write about a living master, one faces a dilemma: the sense that the living presence of such a being, and the ‘experience’ (for want of a better word) of that, can never be confined to words or descriptions. It’s very hard to say anything about Amma. She both is and is not, she manifests as both form and formless in a continuous cascade. Perhaps the way in which my friends and I feel her in the most tangible way, is as Supreme Love: a Love that goes completely beyond anything imaginable, and which cuts through every vestige of the human ego, revealing the ultimate secret of this universe. If anyone is asking why I spend so much time with my spiritual teacher, this is why.
I wish I could give some kind of account of my stay with Amma in Amritapuri, but that really would just be words. You see, it’s a living thing with her. You don’t go about your day and then sit down and write your diary, and feel all good about what you’ve understood, and then go to sleep again. It’s not like that. The path with Amma is the path of action, of expression, of interaction and of an outpouring of a selflessness you had no idea was inside you, waiting to come out. This Love moves, this Silence transforms without leaving itself. This true way throws the human being into complete Mystery, not only once, but constantly. And miracles rain down upon everyone in that ashram like the monsoons. I’m aware that I sound like I’ve drunk the Kool-Aid – lol!
Those of you who have visited the ashram will know that one of the ways people deepen in their closeness with Amma and her teachings, is through sharing stories about her. I heard many extraordinary accounts while I was there this time. One never knows whether such stories are true, mythological or a version of a truth. To me, that is not ultimately the most important thing: for me, it is this unknown space…this Mystery, that such stories deepen me into which matters the most. One night, we met a new friend. As we got to know him over the course of our stay on the ashram (in saying ‘we’ and ‘our’, I am referring to Steve and I – yes, we are back together 🙂 🙂 :-)), this friend began to tell us the story of how he met Amma. The story begins before he was born. His father heard about Amma and took my friend’s sister to meet Her in Manchester in 1989. When they went for Darshan the father said to his daughter, “You are in the presence of God, you can ask anything you like.” The daughter told Amma that she wanted a little brother. Amma looked to the father and asked if he and his wife wanted another child. The father replied Yes, but that they could not, because his wife had gone through the menopause. Amma said Ok, and smiled at the daughter. A couple of months later, the mother began her periods again. Soon after this, she was pregnant. My friend was born in due course. Not long after the birth, Amma was due to visit England again. The father stayed at home with his new son (my friend), while the mother – who had never met Amma yet – and her daughter went to the program. As the mother fell into Amma’s arms for Darshan, Amma said to this woman – who she was meeting for the first time and had no information about – “Are you happy now that you have a son?” The mother burst into tears and surrendered. Hearing this story flooded me with energy rushes and goosebumps. I would never want to, or try to, prove whether it is true or not. I don’t know that. All I can say is that the sense of resonance throughout my entire being upon hearing it was overwhelming, and that the feeling of reality, realness, hitting-the-mark – whatever you want to call it – opened up within me in a profound way.
This actually leads me into something else I wanted to share with you. People often ask me about intuition, and feel that I have some expertise in this area. I don’t know about that, but I did discover something more about the whole thing when I was with Amma in the ashram. I hope that including this diary entry might assist you in your own journey with with your sense of intuition / instinct.
The answer came in Darshan today. There was no need to tune-in, check, ‘ask Amma inside’, or anything like that. When I was relaxed and open – simple, and in my being, one could say – I felt during Amma’s long embrace that [X]. It didn’t come mentally. It didn’t come through any kind of asking. It didn’t come in a big bang. It came through the feeling body. This relative truth came as a sort-of feeling, a kind-of sense, which ran like a river through my heart. So, yes, as [Y] reminded me that time: trust the truth that comes naturally, like a gift.”
That’s all for now. If you would like to book a session or talk about anything, please call, message or text me.