Self No Other
How are you? I have had to wittle this group down due to technicalities with Yahoo, so I hope no one I’ve knocked off feels left out. I am thinking of you all with a warm and surrendered heart and wondering where life is taking you… Please do write with your stories – they are always welcome 🙂
Thank you to those of you who responded to my last email; I feel your warmth and compassion. I know some of you have been concerned and wondering how I am, so I thought I’d fill you in a little and update you on this process, hopefully in a way that speaks to you and your process too. What I am going through in its deepest essence at the moment is heartbreak. I’m sure many of you have been through this too. So unexpected and so very deep, yet at least I know I have loved fully. I have heard some people say to me that they have never been in love before, even people who are quite a lot older than I am, and (perhaps) that is saddest of all.
The process has been that through fully embracing this heartbreak, as much as I am able in my fragile humanness, there is a continuing kind of breakdown breakthrough and entering into Divinity. I want to credit here my sadhana practice, Amma, Adyashanti and Vortex Healing and the engagement in these. There was also a sudden breakthrough during a group healing I was lucky enough to be part of – many thanks Chetana and Will Thornton. I was amazed at the turnaround and transformation after receiving this healing – almost like night and day – and the subsequent sense of completely withdrawing into the Self. Here is what I wrote about it in an email afterwards:-
“I just want to share that something has completely left me since this healing. Now I feel as if there is only the Self itself, and that’s all. It’s like nothingness, but not that empty feeling of emotional vacuum at all. It’s devoid of noise, there is only Silence. Grounded in Self now.”
In my diary I reflected further:-
“So this is it. It was always here. Right here… No wonder no one could give it to me. What this is could never be bought nor sold. ‘The peace which surpasses all understanding’, now I know You. Now I know You… You are this – are me. It’s not outside, it never was outside.”
When I arose the following morning, I knew I had to move home to Brighton. It’s funny because I have just remembered in writing this, that Eckhart Tolle once said one day he simply knew he had to move to North America. Moving as Self, it’s not a question of working things out. It’s letting go without end.
I will be coming to London every week to see you for sessions, so please don’t worry about that. I expect I will move around the beginning of April. Please do not hesitate to email or call me if you have any questions about this.
With Love in my heart,