The Invitation Of Suffering
Happy Shivaratri! Today Shiva’s energy pours into creation, like the sword of Truth cutting through vines of illusion, the perfect day to let go of all remaining attachments the ‘me’ is clinging to. With the addition of the full lunar eclipse coming on Sunday, you may be feeling like doing nothing rather than planning / manifesting. If so, I would really encourage you to trust this instinct, drawing awareness inside into the heart of Life. This is a fantastic time to engage in that inner dive, via sadhana, chanting, bhajans, relaxation, quietness, or whatever you feel truly drawn to.
Before I engage in the subject of my email today, I would like to announce two pieces of good news. Firstly, my close friend who I described in earlier emails is now cancer-free! Upon discovering this information from doctors, she said, “This is a miracle”. Considering that her father died suddenly in the middle of her cancer treatment, and that initially the cancer was seen as potentially fatal, I am inclined to agree with this statement. The other news is that my friend Daniel has been made into a Vortex Healing teacher. I can’t think of anybody I would rather be in this position 🙂
Now, aside from these wonderful things, I have been in the midst of deep personal suffering since the beginning of the year, the likes of which I have rarely experienced in this lifetime. The process is a mixture of internal and external, becoming so excruciating that I was basically left with three directions in which to go with it: 1) into the victim, 2) into improving my life in an attempt to fight back against things or 3) into Truth and a total embrace of what is. Once the first two were seen through, I was left with no choice but to take the third option. The way this all looked in real terms by the way, was a bloody mess. Yet I came to realise gradually that the suffering, which I had always managed to bypass in some way in the past without seeing that that was what I was doing, wasn’t going anywhere – if anything it was getting worse. That was the moment at which I was finally, genuinely, willing to lose to Life. It was at once a recognition of which of ‘us’ (though ironically there was no experience of separation) was stronger – that Life itself was simply much more immense than any remaining sense of me, and also a feeling of being crushed into oblivion by my own conditioning, or by God – honestly, I don’t even know which it was – but whatever it was, it worked. What I mean by ‘it worked’ is that suffering itself became the invitation into freedom, Truth, God, Love. I took it, and I continuously now accept that invitation on a moment to moment to moment basis. The felt sense is like a huge weight has been lifted off my body and there is a simple and profound texture of oneness pervading everything in experience. I have had many ‘drops’ into this before, but this time there is a sense of permanence (if I can use that word), of a not-coming-and-going, but a resting of oneness in / as this form.
So to save you time and struggle, I suggest this as a practice for you too. Begin to notice the nature of your suffering now: is it really something which shouldn’t be there? Can you receive it fully right now?
Listen to your gut instinct. From there you will sense your true Yes and your true No, both to these questions and more importantly to the situations, people and choices in your life.