The Call of the Heart
Happy Guy Fawkes Day 🙂 I’m sure many of you are more focussed on Amma’s upcoming visit to London, beginning on Tuesday. For those of you who are wavering about whether to be with her or not, I want to tell you a story.
A friend and fellow devotee from Poland was staying with me and was booked onto the Eurostar to be with Amma the following day. I had no plans to be with Amma in Paris. That evening, we decided to buy ice cream from the shop and, outside, my friend turned and looked at me. It was much like any other moment, except that I felt Amma pour through her and into my heart. Then she said, “I can feel Her already”, and I replied, “Yes, so can I…”. As I crossed the threshold of the shop, I realised somehow that I was going to Paris the next day with her. It was 10 30pm; it seemed impossible. But when we got in, the picture of Amma on my altar seemed to flash with light. I sat with it all for a while, wondering “What is life asking of me regarding Paris?” (a tip gathered from Adyashanti). Immediately, I had a vision of myself in the hall at the Paris programme. The more I sat, the clearer the direction to go in became. I went online (it was now 11 30pm) and managed to find a very reasonable last minute deal. I rearranged my life, and we left at 5am the next morning.
It really is like this sometimes… Literally the calling of the heart from the Divine; direct, and beyond doubt. Here is an excerpt from my diary about what happened when I got there:
“I sat down on the stage and tried to see Amma. Swamiji and some media people were obscuring the view, but I was enjoying their cheerful exchange. Then, I saw Her from behind. Suddenly I felt a rush through my entire body and then all there was was stillness. My mind stopped. I closed my eyes and a vastness opened…there was no separation that I could feel at all. This stunning openness……. Eventually, thoughts returned. But there were so few and they felt as if they were disembodied voices, mouths talking to one another lower down in my body. I felt no identification with them. It was amazing though, to see how they build their web – thought by thought by thought, until we feel consumed. Then, I listened to one of them and I was drawn into a long and convincing story about my future: I “knew”…”It all makes sense”, I thought. I even experienced a kind of visual clarity while this was happening. But then my eyes met a sign on the stage which said, in French, “Please leave space here”. There was an internal laugh, and the whole of that story began to drop, unravel and become see-through. The deep silence of Being returned, though in a sense tainted with this grand tale that the bodymind had spun. I relaxed, smiling at the child sitting next to me, and fell into meditation again, impassioned by Amma’s beautiful form.”
I hope this sheds some light on your own process perhaps, or on why it is worth it to keep going as deeply into Truth as you can. I have observed that often after a great opening, the deepest conditioning can come up like that – masquerading as Truth, in a way. It takes a great deal of surrender to see through that kind of story, rather than following it.
I will be doing the Vortex Healing Earthshift this weekend, so I hope to see some of you there 🙂
And last but not least, thanks to one of you I now have a venue for in-person healing. This will most likely be available on Wednesdays in EC1, which I will confirm in due course.
Much Love to you,