The Ammathon Continues
I wanted to write to you as soon as I had a spare moment. I am unusually busy at the moment. As you know I went to be with Amma in the Netherlands after a brief spell working in London. I feel so grateful at the moment…I cannot believe how much time I get to spend with her. And yet it feels like the most natural thing in the world to do. As a result, I will be doing a lot more of the Europe tour than I had originally planned. Everything else but Amma seems to have gone out the window! The only other thing which gives me as much joy and satisfaction when I am back home is my work with you and with the horses.
I had an experience while on stage in the Netherlands which I wanted to share with you. It was right at the end of darshan on the first night, so around 1am (as it was one of those 11am – 11pm days). Amma decided to sing and grabbed the microphone. I managed to climb up onto the stage with all my friends and there we were: us, Amma, and probably only around 500 other people scattered around the stage and surrounds. As we all joined in with the singing, I got this overwhelming feeling of pure happiness, absolute completion, like all the dots joined up. I was so happy that I looked at Amma and burst into tears. Luckily no one could hear me over the music, or see me because I was crouched behind a friend! This Scorpio can’t stand being seen when vulnerable 😉 As I sobbed, something released in me, some kind of wall of resistance I had been carrying towards God, towards stepping fully into this awakening path I am on, and the longing to realise God was simply overwhelming. It was like devotion broke my heart open. Once the crying stopped, I opened my eyes and Amma was looking right into them. She was staring into my eyes and for that time I was able to fully face my guru without any movement in any direction, internally or externally. She had no expression of any kind, she was simply looking with intensity which was simultaneously totally empty. Although I have no way of interpreting what happened, nor do I need to in reality, what I feel as a result is that I need to spend a lot more time with this being. I have been neglecting my own needs, which are the needs to fully realise Divinity in this lifetime, and that has to stop. All other desires fall away for me when I enter into that space which fell between Amma and I in that staring, and what that space truly is.
One idea I have had is to spend 6 months of each year with her, in India and on the western tours. But we’ll see…it’s early days yet after this profound opening. However, I wanted to share this goal with you so that we can work out a way to do as much work as possible while I am here and then Skype while I am away. I feel so much more motivated to work now that I have seen the quality of the work I did at the program in the Netherlands. Please do not think that I am withdrawing from the work part of my life: on the contrary – I feel even more inspired than ever to serve your needs in that regard. So far, I will be at the programs in Paris and Munich and I am looking into Barcelona and Toulon. Here are the dates for Paris and Munich:-
October 26-28: Paris, France
November 15-17: Munich, Germany
I hope you are well and enjoying the turning of the seasons into this beautiful orange colour I keep seeing everywhere. I look forward to speaking with you or working with you. So much Love,